Learning to love not needing men

I was always being put to the test. Not just in looks but in the superwoman contest. I tried to be everything to them and more, yet failed miserably as I was shown the door. Nothing worked no matter how hard I worked.

I tried everything to win over men. Invested time and effort into looking good. Was deep and well read so that I could hold down the best of conversations. Did everything for them including the cooking and the dishes. I insisted on going Dutch, but in the end paid for everything. I went for paupers who put me out every time we stepped out.

I am a giver but wish sometimes I could receive. In the past I felt all the time that each relationship was not only driving me around the bend but also soon coming to an end. Certainly not a fairy tale end. There were plenty of frogs in the pond, but I felt no strong bonds.

I often dreamt of having a stunning wedding gown but always ended up in my terry towelling dressing gown. Seen only by me. And let's not mention my sexy black knickers for my eyes only.

I thought this was my fate. I felt third rate as I tried to comfort myself with home brand fruitcake, instead of the towering iced wedding cake with a smiling bride and groom on top. Stuff dreams are made of. However not for me.

I am trying to change my way of thinking. I am a woman with the fate to live a solo life. I think now how this could be great. Who needs men with fake watches, rings, tans and even identities? The more I get to know them the more I know there never will be any wedding plans, or even fun plans for the weekend.

I used to think that not having the perfect partner and children reflected badly on me. I now realise we can still live deep and meaningful lives doing our own thing rather than having a fling.