A newly-trained volunteer and I chatted with a young Liberian woman who'd been referred to us. Bright young kids lounged on a three-piece suite that almost abutted the TV, alternately watching cartoons and listening in to us. Then, in a pause, the volunteer blurted 'Isn't it marvellous — you've paid off your loan to come to Australia already!'
Our client assumed a neutral expression and transferred her gaze elsewhere. She breathed carefully. Panicked, I plunged into another track; did she need help finding a job, now that she'd finished her training? No, she was okay. I got us out of there fast.
On the way to the car, the volunteer said 'Maybe if we find her a new place, she can improve her housekeeping.' What? The flat was as tidy as a small place with young children can be. I realised our well-heeled volunteer was in culture shock.
I swore it wouldn't happen again. From now on I would tell volunteers to keep their mouths shut during the first meeting. But they were supposed to be making a connection with families they were assigned to help over weeks or months. What was going wrong?
It's difficult to articulate something so subtle. On the face of it, the volunteer was complimenting the client. But her words revealed how little she thought of her. Because the circumstances of the loan were confined to the briefing notes (the client hadn't mentioned it) the volunteer breached the client's privacy by mentioning it.
Even worse, her comment hinted that she assumed the client might be unable or even unwilling to pay debts, or simply that wealthy white ladies are qualified to pass judgement on poor refugees.
Oversensitive? Maybe. But refugees often have to suffer incursions on their privacy and self-respect. They can spot these threats a mile off.
In my mind, I called it the 'Lady Bountiful' effect. The inescapable power differential between the helpers and the helped works insidiously. Naïve volunteers assume that because they know more, families should take their advice. They are hurt and frustrated when families continue to look after their own interests in their own way.
When visiting their personal friends, volunteers wouldn't dream of checking the fridge to be sure there was enough food for the weekend, or insisting their friends enrol in language classes, or knocking on the door for half an hour if they thought their friends