I've never been a confident driver either in the front seat or the back seat. It all started the minute I had my first driving lesson, with my madcap driving instructor saying please don't kill me after I nearly banged the front door to his precious car into a cyclist, leaving us both shaking.
With this strong fear in his mind everything became much harder for us both, and I failed many driving tests. However I think he also felt like a failure, for not being able to guide me with my slow reflexes, poor navigational skills and poor concentration linked to my schizophrenia. I kept blaming him for all my mistakes as well as wasting my time, not to mention my hard earned money.
While for some people driving is a thrill, I couldn't get it right, even doing a simple right hand turn.
In fact according to him I turned into a completely different person the moment I got into the car. Everything I did was either wrong or dangerous. However I knew I had to raise the bar. Had I tried a bit harder we both could have got much further.
I began to dread all the many never ending driving lessons, spoiled by his quick temper and my clashing negativity. I kept sliding backwards instead of forwards. Either too slow or too fast, according to my volatile moods. I could never get out of the woods.
I felt my instructor didn't understand my mental illness. One time I blanked out at a traffic light and didn't budge for at least five minutes, holding up all the traffic with many of them beeping their horns. He swore under his breath and called me unbelievable. I thought that it was his bad attitude that was unbelievable.
The more I saw him the more stuck I felt, even when not stuck in heavy traffic. He would hiss 'Look out Elizabeth' instead of Isabella each time I looked away at a crucial moment or missed a street. I felt I was doing everything wrong.
"He sure made me feel like a write-off or even a bloody idiot the more he kept telling me off. That's when I decided to stand up and take action against him."
The more I jumped lights and went over bumps out of pure stress and anxiety the more I felt ticked off by him even though we both knew that time and what