It's amazing (or should I say hair-raising?) the way men go bald and women go grey due to all life's stressors. Often the culprit is too much damn hard work. It can seem to transform us overnight from bright, young and energetic to old, tired and haggard.
I remember yanking out many grey hairs during my HSC year when the fear of failing was a real stressor. Even though I survived this brutal year I did not come out of it unscathed. Stubborn, angry grey hairs were there to stay.
At university, with even more expected of me, both my skin and hair turned grey. I could no longer turn heads and had to head straight to the hairdresser, sometimes as often as once every two weeks, spending a large chunk of my Austudy on this much-needed maintenance.
Covering up my grey hairs, not to mention deep-set premature wrinkles, was a constant effort. They had taken on a life all of their own. However, I felt determined to battle the greys at the hairdresser rather than give in to them as my friends advised me to do.
I now know I have to do the best I can with what I have got left. This includes my increasingly thinning hair, which is going at a rate of knots. This has led me to cut it severely off at the shoulder, in order to be able to manage it.
Trying to pursue many unattainable things in life can be felt in ones bones — and I'm not just talking about my early onset osteoporosis. Along the way there are many bumps and humps, and much wear and tear. I despair at my prominent varicose veins, which no longer allow me to feel vain. Instead, I have to cover my legs with grey stockings the same shade as my hair.
Nearly 50 now, I'm aware that in many ways I've had my heyday. I have to accept that I am no longer the pretty young thing I used to be, and at best am not too bad for an old bird. I am probably too old for children, and this, on top of missing out on any high flying job, also makes me want to sob.
"I want to scream as I try to hang onto my youth. Meanwhile I discover even more grey hairs and pile on the pounds."
Having missed out on many fundamental things in life makes