I think I may have a police record, but I'm not sure. Bear with me while I explain.
Where I grew up in Ireland there were plenty of fields; not large enough to qualify as Australian paddocks, just enclosed spaces varying in size from a tennis court to the 17th green at St Andrew's. The grass was a bit long and you rarely saw the cow pat until you stepped in it, and although they often had the rolling undulations of the 17th at St Andrew's, there was always a definite uphill, which is not helpful to football.
That's not the point, of course. Even if we had an MCG to frolic in, we wouldn't have bothered, because playing on the street was more exciting and guaranteed you spectators and occasional encouragement from a tipsy supporter on his way home to his dinner.
So when a new sergeant came to town, determined to clean up the streets, we were first in line. They would call it zero tolerance these days, but in that little town, we were what passed for major crime. There were six of us: my brother, myself, two O'Briens, a Healy and a fellow named 'Babs' Cronin who had a withered arm, the relic of childhood polio, and whom we always put in goal. All six of us were summoned to appear in court on a charge of playing a game, to wit handball, in a public place.
We weren't worried because we knew we were not playing to wit handball but to wit football. 'Babs' thought he had a particularly strong case to show that he could not have played handball even if he tried.
Jack O'Brien, who grew up to be a seriously pious sexton at the local church, assured us we would get off. But the judge was not impressed and said it made no difference what we were playing and fined each of us five shillings. He probably wasn't a judge at all, maybe only a minor magistrate, but five shillings had to be deposited in court.
The case was not reported in the local paper, much to our disappointment, so we never had the distinction of being described as 'local youths'. We didn't mind the fines, which our parents duly paid. In our pre-teen innocence, we were convinced they would appeal, all the way to the High Court if necessary. They