Last weekend, Babe, an online publication for women, published an article by Katie Way. It was an account of a 2017 date between a 22-year-old photographer named Grace (not her real name) and Aziz Ansari (pictured), in which she claims the comedian made aggressive and unwelcome sexual advances, despite receiving both verbal and nonverbal cues from her to stop.
'I believe that I was taken advantage of by Aziz,' she says. 'I was not listened to and ignored. It was by far the worst experience with a man I've ever had.' Ansari has since released a statement, in which he says he was 'surprised and concerned' because he believed they 'ended up engaging in sexual activity' that was by all means 'completely consensual'.
I, like many women I know, have been Grace.
In 2015, I was single and had discovered the wonders of Tinder. I went on dates weekly. Many were downright awkward, like the time I sat through burgers and beer with a writer who barely spoke to me. Others were fun and romantic, like the former football player who cooked me dinner and took me dancing.
On one occasion, I went out with a photographer. He was gorgeous, passionate about his career and worked in media, like me. We sat down for dinner in Manhattan, and the conversation was interesting and lighthearted, so when he suggested he drive us to a bar in Brooklyn, I thought: 'Why not?' After we left the bar, he kissed me, I kissed him back. 'My apartment is right around the corner,' he whispered in my ear. I laughed, 'Thanks, but I'd rather not.'
He kissed me again, 'Come on,' he uttered, 'you know you want to.' I pushed away lightly, trying to ignore the red flags; we were out on a public street, but still, he was a man, stronger and bigger than me. I thought, 'Just be polite, and you'll be okay.' I feigned a smile and uttered, 'Next time, I promise.' Whatever veneer of politeness he had disappeared in an instant. 'You're a prude and a bitch, you know that? That's the problem with women your age.'
Like Grace, I remember texting my friends on the way home. I was humiliated. I had been insulted by this man because I made the choice not to have sex with him; he felt he was owed something, and when that was denied, I, as an individual, no longer