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At the edge of each knot of resplendent women stood the groom. Uncomfortable in a constricting collar or a slightly askew bow tie or colours they'd never worn before and would never wear again. Many looked curiously grumpy. Wasn't this their day of days? What was going wrong here?
Fiction writers have to arrange events so that they achieve the required outcome without stretching credulity. Yet real life routinely throws up sequences so bizarre that a fiction writer wouldn't dare to own them. Try this one.
The election result shows that we the people are not happy and we are not confident about the way forward. Frank Brennan's Occasional Address at the Ecumenical Service for the Opening of Parliament, Wesley Church, National Circuit, Canberra.
I am a Magpies supporter, although I've always liked to think I'm not one of those Magpies supporters: the mythical 'ferals' that give every non-Magpies supporter slagging rights — no, I'm not one of them. Recently though, I had cause to wonder.
Police look on benignly; clergymen bless them; politicians turn up to watch. But can any activity where players set out to damage their opponents be called a sport? And should such an activity be allowed to draw on the country's medical resources to mend that damage?
Lieutenant Yoo Hoo Hoo leans forward to read the tape: 'Gillard offers Katter trip to Russian Space Station'. Our voices are drowned out by a persistent beeping sound. The specially engineered Windsor-Oakeshott Thrusters have split and the Ostracise is going into reverse.
SBS TV's world renowned Subtitling Unit is about to lose one third of its staff. It's perfectly valid for SBS to jettison its subtitlers if it determines that SBS is fundamentally no longer a multicultural broadcaster. It's up to SBS management to come clean on its current purpose.
Timana Tahu left the NSW State of Origin team after racist comments by assistant coach Andrew Johns. AFL heavyweight Mal Brown described Aboriginal players as cannibals. Why is it an insult to call someone black?
In the Olympics, the countries with the biggest populations win the most medals. Not in the World Cup. The United States' underdog status is one of the unifying pleasures of football fans around the world.
When AFL legend Jason Akermanis' argument that gay footballers should stay in the closet failed to gain traction, it appeared that in Australia, widespread homophobia was a thing of the past. But the reaction to NSW Transport Minister David Campbell's visit to a gay sex club proves it remains an ugly force.
When I first heard of the Melbourne Storm tragedy, I laughed. My attitudes to games had remained stuck in an ill-spent childhood in which a little cheating was part of playing games. Even now, I confess, I enjoy stories of cheating done in style.
The salary cap in sport is one of the last remnants of Australian egalitarianism. This is one of the reasons why the Melbourne Storm's behaviour is so offensive. It is an offence against one of the values Australians hold so dear, especially at Anzac Day — a fair go.