I have a vivid memory of the first time I heard someone say, ‘What can you do?’ On reflection, I’m reasonably sure it wasn’t the first time it was said in my presence or even the first time it was said to me.
The difference, the sense of hearing this rhetorical question for the first time, involved the significance of the moment.
A neighbour – a woman who migrated from Italy to Australia in the mid 1950s – said it to me at a time when I was grieving and this question/statement elicited almost instantaneous comfort.
Comfort arising from an internal acknowledgement of the fact that, however painful it might be, there are some things beyond our control. I don’t recall any thought process or analysing of the meaning of what was said. I just remember nodding and knowing that she had made me aware of a universal truth and a way of dealing with past events and coping with the future however long that process might take.
From what I know of my neighbour’s life, it contains plenty of ‘What can you do?’ moments. Enough to not only mould her own stoic nature, but also make her sensitive to the needs of others; others in particular who are facing the inevitable figurative brick walls that occasionally confront all of us. At these times life hands us an opportunity of growing through pausing, even if only briefly, and confronting the fragility of life, our own fragility and our delusions of being in control.
On another level, a sense of helplessness can be experienced on a regular basis when government policies or actions fly in the face of what individuals or groups think are just or humane. In a democratic society, the right to protest peacefully and have our say at such times is a gift worth defending and preserving. What people can do at these times may be limited, at least temporarily, but it is not nothing.
While the tone of what I have said so far may seem to be dwelling on the serious moments of life, there are plenty of examples of lighter occasions when ‘What can you do?’ applies.
Recently a friend described such a time. After months of preparing their home for sale and enduring endless inspections, she and her husband received a notice from the local council informing them that road works in their street were scheduled to commence on the